Bob & Doug - Twelve Hose Days of Christmas

Okay, here's a list of what is given on each day, plus what Bob & Doug say at the end. I'm going to post this on "The Hoser" ( sometime this week, for my December issue.

1. A Beer

2. Two turtlenecks

3. Three french toast (after "a beer", Doug says "there should be more there")

4. Four pounds of backbacon (and this time they say "a beer... in atree")

5. Five golden tuques!

6. Six packs of two-four

7. Seven packs of smokes (the background singers and Doug say "nice gift!")
Doug: Whew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it's too hard for us!
Bob: Um...
Doug: Go, hoser.

8. Eight comic books (they stop singing, and let the background singers sing from 5 to 2; they also sing "a beer on my tree", then Bob says "that beer's empty")
Bob: Okay... day...BG Singers: TWELVE!
Doug: Good day, and welcome to day twelve!
BG Singers: Five golden tuques!
(Now they finish the song from this point on.)
Doug: So like that's our song, Merry Christmas...
Bob: Merry Christmas!
Doug: And good day!
Bob: Good day, everybody. And Happy New Year, too.
Bob: Okay, you know what you left out? Donuts - I told you to get me donuts! Like on the ninth day or the tenth day, or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
Doug: Yeah, but the song's over. Merry Christmas, everybody!
Bob: On the twelfth day you coulda got me a dozen donuts. You coulda gone down to the donut shop, where you buy a dozen and get another one free, so thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.
Doug: Next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...
Bob: Take off!
Doug: Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...
Bob: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...
Doug: Wha-? (and the music fades)

Chris "BoB" Odorjan - [email protected]
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me - a beer...
The Hoser -

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